( Ja'far exhales shakily as soon as he receives the text, feeling the nerves in him both relax and pick up at the same time, making him nearly feel sick.
He misses him. So much. )
We can meet at the penthouse, or wherever you'd be comfortable. There are things I should say in person to you.
Why is it rude to break up over text? He thinks that's a stupid rule. Isn't that much safer to do than having to stare someone in the face while it's happening?
( Ja'far feels like he's going to writhe out of his skin as he waits, to be honest. He paces, fixing things in the kitchen, setting things as right as he can as he makes coffee and sets out some snacks for the both of them. Just... doing something to calm his nerves. He stays there until Sinbad comes, looking up when the man eventually enters. )
[ He feels like a man walking to his own death sentence.
...And the irony of that is not lost on him, either.
Stepping into his penthouse - which he's been avoiding as much as Ja'far these past days - it's not hard to find the other man in the kitchen. He pauses at the doorway, not venturing in, not yet. Instead, he just gives Ja'far what he hopes is a convincing - if small - smile.
( Gods. He's here. He's finally in front of him again, just the two of them. There's nothing else, and-
He feels awful.
Sinbad looks awful, too. The strained way he smiles at him, the way he looks so hesitant- Ja'far hasn't seen that in years, hasn't seen it since they were young and stupid and messed up so much.
Ja'far certainly had messed up again. )
I- I need to talk to you. I-
( He bites his tongue, briefly, so swept up in how upset he is, how stupid he's been.
Can you forgive me?)
I did something I shouldn't have. I hurt you. I hurt you for something you haven't even done. Just because-
( He stares down at his feet, feeling it all pour out of him. )
All because the you I know, the you that you haven't become yet - might not even become now, because of what I've said, what we've done here - did things I couldn't forgive. But- Even if I can't, even if I'm still hurt, bitter about it, that doesn't negate it.
I do forgive you, Sin. I've been waiting, waiting so long for you to come home.
This isn't home, but- ( He feels the tears starting to creep up on the edges of his vision. He's missed him, missed him so much. ) To see you, alive again, is the one thing I have wanted beyond it all.
[ That's... not what he'd been expecting at all, and for a moment, Sinbad can only gape at him, his mind spinning at how 180 that rush of words is from what he'd been bracing for. ]
Wait, you... [ Give him a minute here. ] You what?
( Ja'far sniffs, rather pointedly, noticing just how much Sinbad is gaping at him. )
I forgive you and I've missed you, you idiot.
( He goes closer, standing near him like he used to, the urge to grab his collar still something there, after all these years. ) I still love you, too, if... if you're still interested in me that way, after what I said.
[ Jafar might not grab him like he used to, but Sinbad does it instead, grasping Ja'far's shoulders in a tight grip and practically shaking the smaller man. ]
What do you mean, you forgive me?! [ He sounds almost outraged at this confession. ] After what you said I did, Ja'far. To you, to everyone. Why would you forgive me for something like that?!
( Ja'far's startled for a second as he's grabbed, but he rights himself quickly enough, staring Sinbad down. )
Because you weren't yourself! Because you got obsessed! Because your last- Your last words were "tell everyone I'm sorry"!
I'm still angry, but I forgive you because I've believed in you since you saved me when we were children! I will never stop believing in you, and I'll never stop waiting for you to come home if we leave here!
Let me use this place to forgive you, in case I don't get that chance otherwise, Sin!
[ He makes a quiet growl of frustration at that, releasing Ja'far and partially turning away, running fingers through his dark hair as he paces away a few steps in agitation. ]
Who was I, if not myself? Becoming so consumed with an ideal, so obsessed that the consequences or risks no longer mattered? If I thought the outcome was one of necessity, Ja'far...
[ He cuts himself off with a low curse, leveling Ja'far with a look. ]
There are places you should never follow me, Ja'far, depths that apparently even I am capable of sinking to. If this is what I become... I'm not worthy of your loyalty. I don't deserve to be believed in. This... this just proves I can be as monstrous as all those I sought to displace.
( Ja'far puts his foot down, returning that look just as strongly. )
And who am I, that even me being by your side did nothing to dissuade you? Arba and David got to you, Sin - you messed up. You made the stupidest, most thoughtless, painful decision you could've made. You went against what we wanted, and you forced us to agree.
But you turned yourself around, you fought against David - you ultimately saved us all, and we have no idea if you can even come back. You went to those depths and you pulled yourself out of it, because the others made sure you did. You're not monstrous because you realized you were wrong. You were at fault. And you did everything you could and more to correct it.
It just proves you're as human as the rest of us, Sin, and I forgive you for it. I'll be mad as hell at you for it for the rest of your life, but I forgive you.
( He's quiet for a bit, hurt jabbing through his heart. He speaks quietly. )
Don't talk like that. I know you'll come back. You promised. And I just- I just know you will. ( He stares back up at Sinbad. ) I want you to see Sindria, I want you to see what we've done, despite all you did. I want you to come back and be who you were meant to be - a part of our lives.
( Ja'far blinks, his mouth forming into a small 'o'. ) A-Ah, that's right, the summit - that was after Magnostadt. If Aladdin was here, he could... he could explain... I'll do my best to tell you, though. It won't be the same, but-
Just. Have a seat. ( He gestures to the seat next to him, and he sighs, brushing his hair back from his face, looking pensive and worried.
Once Sinbad sits down - or at least looks ready to listen - Ja'far starts to explain Alma Torran. Who Aladdin's parents were. Their friends, their followers - Arba. Then Solomon's father - David, the other singularity. The one Sinbad eventually chose as magi. Il Ilah. How everything intertwined with their world.
It's not as detailed as Aladdin's summit, of course, but Ja'far's always been good at details and explaining things, and this time is no different. He looks to Sinbad, waiting for it to sink in. ) It's... a lot, but that should be the gist of it. They... they got to you, Sin. David entered you when the first Sindria fell. And Arba manipulated you to get what she wanted - even though she failed.
You're at fault, too, but it wasn't like you were acting on your own. They cajoled you, they did everything they could to get you to do what they wanted - and it worked, because of your stupid pride. But you still stopped them. You realized you messed up and you stopped them.
[ Sinbad sits, because as much as he doesn't want to hear any of this, know any of Ja'far's truths, because they're too horrible for him to contemplate - still - but he sits and he listens, because he has to know.
If there is any chance that he can change things, that he can do this right... then he has to understand where he went wrong. And why. And how he could let this happen.
He's silent as Ja'far explains, filing away the words, the information, and the hints left unspoken. Pieces he knows himself - and Ja'far - well enough to put together as his general paints the picture of how it had all unfolded.
But it's the timing that has Sinbad sitting up in alarm, his eyes going wide. ]
From what the others told me afterwards, you described him as a strange voice in your head, something you thought was either a figment of your imagination or just... something or someone that you took in.
What you need to do is not listen to him. Keep him out, Sin. Ignore him. Apparently everything started to go to hell when you actively used him, listened to him, instead of just idly hearing him.
The voices... He's one of them? But how am I to know which one?
[ Because Sinbad.... never talks about those voices, has barely ever mentioned them to anyone. People talking about hearing voices in their heads tend to get regarded pretty strangely, after all.
Not to mention it was just another reminder of all those souls lost when Sindria had fallen and where they lingered now. Even he still didn't understand how that was possible, but that didn't mean he wasn't aware of them.
To think, all this time...
He's starting to feel a little sick. Sinbad gets up and starts to pace the kitchen again. ]
( Ja'far gets up, following after him, hesitating for just a second before he draws his hands over Sinbad's arms, trying to calm him. ) I don't know. You didn't get into detail about it, and you never talked to me about it. ( It stung a little, but he understood - if Sinbad had told him he was hearing voices, it would've concerned him a lot. And Sinbad had hardly talked about what happened to him after Sindria fell, and Ja'far had never wanted to pry. It hurt them all too much. )
Please, just. Don't stress over it. Just know and try not to listen to them. ( He pauses, then reaches up and cups Sinbad's face, feeling his heart clench. ) ...I've missed you so much, Sin. I've missed you so much.
[ It's those words that break down what is left of his resistance. Combined with the pleading tone and the brush of Ja'far's fingers against his face. He clenches his eyes shut for a long moment before letting loose a deep, wavering breath, choked with emotion.
Turning back towards Ja'far, he wraps his arms around him, drawing him close and tucking him against his chest as he buries his face against the top of Ja'far's head. ]
You deserve so much better than what I can offer, Ja'far.
[ Something he's more aware of now than ever before. ]
( Ja'far relaxes into the hold - the first one in so, so long. Sinbad wrapping around him draws a shuddering breath from his own chest, wrapping his arms around him in turn. )
Perhaps, but you're what I want. What I've chosen, and will continue to choose.
I love you. ( He tightens the hold momentarily, as if afraid Sinbad will disappear from him again, that he'll dissipate into rukh. ) Please. Don't... don't leave. Stay with me?
( Ja'far stays there, wrapped up in him, before he pulls away a little, tugging Sinbad down and into a kiss, cupping his face gently.
Gods, he's missed him.
The kiss stays light for a beat, Ja'far scared that Sinbad will pull away, but if Sinbad stays, it deepens, Ja'far trying to pour his love and devotion into it. ) The same goes for you, Sin. I will stay beside you, I won't leave you again.
[ Sinbad doesn't pull away - he'd missed this just as deeply, after all, feeling like half of him had been missing when Ja'far turned away from him. He slides a hand to cup at the nape of Ja'far's neck, tipping his head back as he kisses him just as deeply, taking his time, tasting his lover's lips, reacquainting himself with this.
It had been too long. And longer still, for Ja'far.
He pours all that emotion he has no words for right now into the kiss instead. The ache, the craving. The apology. ]
( Ja'far is surprised for but a moment - he didn't expect Sinbad to kiss him back so eagerly, with so much emotion behind it - but that moment passes quickly, and he leans into the kiss as well.
It's been years for Ja'far, years of stress, of not having this closeness, of sorrow and a quiet hope. Having this, here, now, he cannot help but moan lightly into the kiss, pouring his own emotion into the kiss. How much he missed him, how much he loves him. How much he needs him. )
Sin. Gods... ( His kiss turns deeper, needier, pulling Sinbad to him as close as he can, as if worried he'll vanish again. )
[ He can feel the way Ja'far clings to him and he wraps his arms around him at that, holding him close. He maintains the kiss, but does pull back after a long moment, needing air and also wanting to see his lover's face. ]
I'm right here, love. I'm here for as long as you want me to be. I'm not going anywhere.
( Ja'far looks at him, half amazed, half reeling from the deep kiss, and then just stops and smiles lightly. )
You'd better not.
( It's teasing, fond, more like their old times, more like what Sinbad would be used to. He grabs one of Sinbad's hands and grips it tight, using the other to pull him down for another long, lingering kiss. ) I won't let you leave this time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-03-24 01:35 am (UTC)He misses him. So much. )
We can meet at the penthouse, or wherever you'd be comfortable. There are things I should say in person to you.
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Date: 2019-03-24 01:58 am (UTC)Why is it rude to break up over text? He thinks that's a stupid rule. Isn't that much safer to do than having to stare someone in the face while it's happening?
....or maybe he's just stalling. ]
I can be there in fifteen.
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Date: 2019-03-24 02:02 am (UTC)( Ja'far feels like he's going to writhe out of his skin as he waits, to be honest. He paces, fixing things in the kitchen, setting things as right as he can as he makes coffee and sets out some snacks for the both of them. Just... doing something to calm his nerves. He stays there until Sinbad comes, looking up when the man eventually enters. )
...Sin.
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Date: 2019-03-24 02:14 am (UTC)...And the irony of that is not lost on him, either.
Stepping into his penthouse - which he's been avoiding as much as Ja'far these past days - it's not hard to find the other man in the kitchen. He pauses at the doorway, not venturing in, not yet. Instead, he just gives Ja'far what he hopes is a convincing - if small - smile.
Who's he kidding? He can feel the strain in it. ]
Ja'far.
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Date: 2019-03-24 02:28 am (UTC)He feels awful.
Sinbad looks awful, too. The strained way he smiles at him, the way he looks so hesitant- Ja'far hasn't seen that in years, hasn't seen it since they were young and stupid and messed up so much.
Ja'far certainly had messed up again. )
I- I need to talk to you. I-
( He bites his tongue, briefly, so swept up in how upset he is, how stupid he's been.
Can you forgive me? )
I did something I shouldn't have. I hurt you. I hurt you for something you haven't even done. Just because-
( He stares down at his feet, feeling it all pour out of him. )
All because the you I know, the you that you haven't become yet - might not even become now, because of what I've said, what we've done here - did things I couldn't forgive. But- Even if I can't, even if I'm still hurt, bitter about it, that doesn't negate it.
I do forgive you, Sin. I've been waiting, waiting so long for you to come home.
This isn't home, but- ( He feels the tears starting to creep up on the edges of his vision. He's missed him, missed him so much. ) To see you, alive again, is the one thing I have wanted beyond it all.
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Date: 2019-03-27 11:27 pm (UTC)Wait, you... [ Give him a minute here. ] You what?
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Date: 2019-03-27 11:37 pm (UTC)I forgive you and I've missed you, you idiot.
( He goes closer, standing near him like he used to, the urge to grab his collar still something there, after all these years. ) I still love you, too, if... if you're still interested in me that way, after what I said.
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Date: 2019-03-28 12:05 am (UTC)What do you mean, you forgive me?! [ He sounds almost outraged at this confession. ] After what you said I did, Ja'far. To you, to everyone. Why would you forgive me for something like that?!
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Date: 2019-03-28 12:09 am (UTC)Because you weren't yourself! Because you got obsessed! Because your last- Your last words were "tell everyone I'm sorry"!
I'm still angry, but I forgive you because I've believed in you since you saved me when we were children! I will never stop believing in you, and I'll never stop waiting for you to come home if we leave here!
Let me use this place to forgive you, in case I don't get that chance otherwise, Sin!
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Date: 2019-03-28 12:26 am (UTC)Who was I, if not myself? Becoming so consumed with an ideal, so obsessed that the consequences or risks no longer mattered? If I thought the outcome was one of necessity, Ja'far...
[ He cuts himself off with a low curse, leveling Ja'far with a look. ]
There are places you should never follow me, Ja'far, depths that apparently even I am capable of sinking to. If this is what I become... I'm not worthy of your loyalty. I don't deserve to be believed in. This... this just proves I can be as monstrous as all those I sought to displace.
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Date: 2019-03-28 12:34 am (UTC)And who am I, that even me being by your side did nothing to dissuade you? Arba and David got to you, Sin - you messed up. You made the stupidest, most thoughtless, painful decision you could've made. You went against what we wanted, and you forced us to agree.
But you turned yourself around, you fought against David - you ultimately saved us all, and we have no idea if you can even come back. You went to those depths and you pulled yourself out of it, because the others made sure you did. You're not monstrous because you realized you were wrong. You were at fault. And you did everything you could and more to correct it.
It just proves you're as human as the rest of us, Sin, and I forgive you for it. I'll be mad as hell at you for it for the rest of your life, but I forgive you.
And I will still follow you to the end.
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Date: 2019-03-28 12:41 am (UTC)You've already done that, have you not? If I left you that message, Ja'far... I suspect I knew there was no coming back from where I was headed.
[ There's a long pause before his posture shifts slightly. ] I don't know this David. Or Arba. Who are they?
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Date: 2019-03-28 12:50 am (UTC)Don't talk like that. I know you'll come back. You promised. And I just- I just know you will. ( He stares back up at Sinbad. ) I want you to see Sindria, I want you to see what we've done, despite all you did. I want you to come back and be who you were meant to be - a part of our lives.
( Ja'far blinks, his mouth forming into a small 'o'. ) A-Ah, that's right, the summit - that was after Magnostadt. If Aladdin was here, he could... he could explain... I'll do my best to tell you, though. It won't be the same, but-
Just. Have a seat. ( He gestures to the seat next to him, and he sighs, brushing his hair back from his face, looking pensive and worried.
Once Sinbad sits down - or at least looks ready to listen - Ja'far starts to explain Alma Torran. Who Aladdin's parents were. Their friends, their followers - Arba. Then Solomon's father - David, the other singularity. The one Sinbad eventually chose as magi. Il Ilah. How everything intertwined with their world.
It's not as detailed as Aladdin's summit, of course, but Ja'far's always been good at details and explaining things, and this time is no different. He looks to Sinbad, waiting for it to sink in. ) It's... a lot, but that should be the gist of it. They... they got to you, Sin. David entered you when the first Sindria fell. And Arba manipulated you to get what she wanted - even though she failed.
You're at fault, too, but it wasn't like you were acting on your own. They cajoled you, they did everything they could to get you to do what they wanted - and it worked, because of your stupid pride. But you still stopped them. You realized you messed up and you stopped them.
That's what matters.
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Date: 2019-03-29 01:36 am (UTC)If there is any chance that he can change things, that he can do this right... then he has to understand where he went wrong. And why. And how he could let this happen.
He's silent as Ja'far explains, filing away the words, the information, and the hints left unspoken. Pieces he knows himself - and Ja'far - well enough to put together as his general paints the picture of how it had all unfolded.
But it's the timing that has Sinbad sitting up in alarm, his eyes going wide. ]
Wait. When Sindria fell?! Ja'far... That's already happened! I'm already changed then!
[ He sounds horrified as he jerks upright. ]
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Date: 2019-03-29 01:40 am (UTC)From what the others told me afterwards, you described him as a strange voice in your head, something you thought was either a figment of your imagination or just... something or someone that you took in.
What you need to do is not listen to him. Keep him out, Sin. Ignore him. Apparently everything started to go to hell when you actively used him, listened to him, instead of just idly hearing him.
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Date: 2019-03-29 01:48 am (UTC)The voices... He's one of them? But how am I to know which one?
[ Because Sinbad.... never talks about those voices, has barely ever mentioned them to anyone. People talking about hearing voices in their heads tend to get regarded pretty strangely, after all.
Not to mention it was just another reminder of all those souls lost when Sindria had fallen and where they lingered now. Even he still didn't understand how that was possible, but that didn't mean he wasn't aware of them.
To think, all this time...
He's starting to feel a little sick. Sinbad gets up and starts to pace the kitchen again. ]
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Date: 2019-03-29 01:55 am (UTC)Please, just. Don't stress over it. Just know and try not to listen to them. ( He pauses, then reaches up and cups Sinbad's face, feeling his heart clench. ) ...I've missed you so much, Sin. I've missed you so much.
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Date: 2019-03-29 02:22 am (UTC)Turning back towards Ja'far, he wraps his arms around him, drawing him close and tucking him against his chest as he buries his face against the top of Ja'far's head. ]
You deserve so much better than what I can offer, Ja'far.
[ Something he's more aware of now than ever before. ]
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Date: 2019-03-29 02:26 am (UTC)Perhaps, but you're what I want. What I've chosen, and will continue to choose.
I love you. ( He tightens the hold momentarily, as if afraid Sinbad will disappear from him again, that he'll dissipate into rukh. ) Please. Don't... don't leave. Stay with me?
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Date: 2019-03-29 02:33 am (UTC)I'm not going anywhere, Ja'far. Not if I have a say in any of it.
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Date: 2019-03-29 02:36 am (UTC)Gods, he's missed him.
The kiss stays light for a beat, Ja'far scared that Sinbad will pull away, but if Sinbad stays, it deepens, Ja'far trying to pour his love and devotion into it. ) The same goes for you, Sin. I will stay beside you, I won't leave you again.
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Date: 2019-04-03 04:21 pm (UTC)It had been too long. And longer still, for Ja'far.
He pours all that emotion he has no words for right now into the kiss instead. The ache, the craving. The apology. ]
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Date: 2019-04-03 05:57 pm (UTC)It's been years for Ja'far, years of stress, of not having this closeness, of sorrow and a quiet hope. Having this, here, now, he cannot help but moan lightly into the kiss, pouring his own emotion into the kiss. How much he missed him, how much he loves him. How much he needs him. )
Sin. Gods... ( His kiss turns deeper, needier, pulling Sinbad to him as close as he can, as if worried he'll vanish again. )
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Date: 2019-04-04 12:23 am (UTC)I'm right here, love. I'm here for as long as you want me to be. I'm not going anywhere.
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Date: 2019-04-04 01:20 am (UTC)You'd better not.
( It's teasing, fond, more like their old times, more like what Sinbad would be used to. He grabs one of Sinbad's hands and grips it tight, using the other to pull him down for another long, lingering kiss. ) I won't let you leave this time.
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From:wtf sin that's soft
From:I MEAN would you have preferred him to throw him on the bed and turned this into a bodice ripper???
From:both, both is good tbh, i'm just dyin at them being dumb and in love
From:i think you need a bodice first, ja'far
From:i mean, i'm sure aspen could get him in one,
From: