![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[ Sinbad leans in to kiss him again, slow and sweet, as his hands slide down over Aspen's limbs. Finding the knots by feel, he never pulls away from the kiss as he adeptly loosens the bindings one after one, letting the whole arrangement loosen and finally fall away as the lost knot gives and comes free. ]
There we go. You did so well, love. It was beautiful.
There we go. You did so well, love. It was beautiful.
If that is true, then this world should not - cannot - be a home for you. There must be somewhere else you can go where you might be safe, you and your loves.
[ The praise has his face flushing again, soft and delicate - Aspen's lips part before he softly laughs, starting to shift and stretch his body slowly, push himself up into a sitting position. He relaxes his neck and rolls his head to relax himself, the lingerie falling over his curves instead of bunched at his sides now.
His gaze is lowered, but he speaks with a gentle smile. ]
It's... still scary, but - I don't feel like I'll panic just thinking of it. [ He smiles up to Sinbad, eyes full of adoration. ] Thank you.
His gaze is lowered, but he speaks with a gentle smile. ]
It's... still scary, but - I don't feel like I'll panic just thinking of it. [ He smiles up to Sinbad, eyes full of adoration. ] Thank you.
You're welcome, love. I'm glad you could enjoy it.
[ There's a matching affection in Sinbad's own gaze as he shifts to stretch out beside the other Dominant instead, letting Aspen stretch out his muscles now that he's free. ]
[ There's a matching affection in Sinbad's own gaze as he shifts to stretch out beside the other Dominant instead, letting Aspen stretch out his muscles now that he's free. ]
My loves will still be safe enough back home.
[ And he's still not sure if Ja'far will ever be able to look him in the face again, let alone forgive him. ]
Don't worry about me, Neria. I'm adaptable.
[ And he's still not sure if Ja'far will ever be able to look him in the face again, let alone forgive him. ]
Don't worry about me, Neria. I'm adaptable.
[ Aspen hums softly and lets himself arch his wings, flapping them briefly to stretch them out. It's only after that he actually opens his eyes again and looks over his shoulder to watch Sinbad relax beside him. Once he's laying down, he shifts onto his side and curls up beside him, hand against his chest. ]
... if you liked this, we can do it again. Not - not just now. You can ask me another time. Just don't surprise me with it. [ He leans in to kiss his jaw. ]
... if you liked this, we can do it again. Not - not just now. You can ask me another time. Just don't surprise me with it. [ He leans in to kiss his jaw. ]
[ He catches Aspen's hand, bringing it up to press playful kisses against each of his fingertips. ]
I like everything we do together. But if you're willing, we can do this again. When you're ready. No surprises, I promise.
I like everything we do together. But if you're willing, we can do this again. When you're ready. No surprises, I promise.
Mmmm, yes you are. [ He counters back with a playful wink as he tucks in Aspen warmly against him. ] And yes, I'd like that. Rest for now, my love. We have all the time in the world.
( He hesitates doing this for a long time - nearly half a day passes since Aspen wakes up that he finally gains the nerve to do it. He wants to talk to Sinbad in person, properly, but he doesn't want to startle him away, either, so he texts him first. )
Sin, if you're free, would you be willing to meet and talk?
Sin, if you're free, would you be willing to meet and talk?
Sinbad. You don't get to comfort me and then shrug me off with 'I'm adaptable'. That isn't something anyone should have to accommodate or change for.
[ He's not expecting the text.
Maybe he should have been, but weeks have passed and things have been... strained and awkward to say the least. He's been doing everything he could to give Ja'far the space he needed.
But he can't lie and say that it hasn't hurt at the same time. The loss of trust - of the closeness and camaraderie and affection they've always shared - cuts deep, even if he knows it's his own doing. Which makes it even harder, because he has no one to blame for it but himself - even if it's a version of himself he hasn't even become yet. Which leaves him stewing in a self-loathing and frustrated slump for days on end, no matter how much he tries to distract himself with other things.
So when Ja'far's text comes through, he sits and stares at the words for almost ten minutes before finally typing out a response, feeling himself clutched with an anxiety that borders on panic.
Is this it, then? ]
Of course. Where would you like to meet?
Maybe he should have been, but weeks have passed and things have been... strained and awkward to say the least. He's been doing everything he could to give Ja'far the space he needed.
But he can't lie and say that it hasn't hurt at the same time. The loss of trust - of the closeness and camaraderie and affection they've always shared - cuts deep, even if he knows it's his own doing. Which makes it even harder, because he has no one to blame for it but himself - even if it's a version of himself he hasn't even become yet. Which leaves him stewing in a self-loathing and frustrated slump for days on end, no matter how much he tries to distract himself with other things.
So when Ja'far's text comes through, he sits and stares at the words for almost ten minutes before finally typing out a response, feeling himself clutched with an anxiety that borders on panic.
Is this it, then? ]
Of course. Where would you like to meet?
[ Ah, but he isn't just 'anyone', is he? ]
It's quite probable I've brought it on myself, so I really only have myself to blame.
It's quite probable I've brought it on myself, so I really only have myself to blame.
( Ja'far exhales shakily as soon as he receives the text, feeling the nerves in him both relax and pick up at the same time, making him nearly feel sick.
He misses him. So much. )
We can meet at the penthouse, or wherever you'd be comfortable. There are things I should say in person to you.
He misses him. So much. )
We can meet at the penthouse, or wherever you'd be comfortable. There are things I should say in person to you.
[ Yeeeeeah, that's the part he was dreading.
Why is it rude to break up over text? He thinks that's a stupid rule. Isn't that much safer to do than having to stare someone in the face while it's happening?
....or maybe he's just stalling. ]
I can be there in fifteen.
Why is it rude to break up over text? He thinks that's a stupid rule. Isn't that much safer to do than having to stare someone in the face while it's happening?
....or maybe he's just stalling. ]
I can be there in fifteen.
I'll leave the door open for you.
( Ja'far feels like he's going to writhe out of his skin as he waits, to be honest. He paces, fixing things in the kitchen, setting things as right as he can as he makes coffee and sets out some snacks for the both of them. Just... doing something to calm his nerves. He stays there until Sinbad comes, looking up when the man eventually enters. )
...Sin.
( Ja'far feels like he's going to writhe out of his skin as he waits, to be honest. He paces, fixing things in the kitchen, setting things as right as he can as he makes coffee and sets out some snacks for the both of them. Just... doing something to calm his nerves. He stays there until Sinbad comes, looking up when the man eventually enters. )
...Sin.
[ He feels like a man walking to his own death sentence.
...And the irony of that is not lost on him, either.
Stepping into his penthouse - which he's been avoiding as much as Ja'far these past days - it's not hard to find the other man in the kitchen. He pauses at the doorway, not venturing in, not yet. Instead, he just gives Ja'far what he hopes is a convincing - if small - smile.
Who's he kidding? He can feel the strain in it. ]
Ja'far.
...And the irony of that is not lost on him, either.
Stepping into his penthouse - which he's been avoiding as much as Ja'far these past days - it's not hard to find the other man in the kitchen. He pauses at the doorway, not venturing in, not yet. Instead, he just gives Ja'far what he hopes is a convincing - if small - smile.
Who's he kidding? He can feel the strain in it. ]
Ja'far.
( Gods. He's here. He's finally in front of him again, just the two of them. There's nothing else, and-
He feels awful.
Sinbad looks awful, too. The strained way he smiles at him, the way he looks so hesitant- Ja'far hasn't seen that in years, hasn't seen it since they were young and stupid and messed up so much.
Ja'far certainly had messed up again. )
I- I need to talk to you. I-
( He bites his tongue, briefly, so swept up in how upset he is, how stupid he's been.
Can you forgive me? )
I did something I shouldn't have. I hurt you. I hurt you for something you haven't even done. Just because-
( He stares down at his feet, feeling it all pour out of him. )
All because the you I know, the you that you haven't become yet - might not even become now, because of what I've said, what we've done here - did things I couldn't forgive. But- Even if I can't, even if I'm still hurt, bitter about it, that doesn't negate it.
I do forgive you, Sin. I've been waiting, waiting so long for you to come home.
This isn't home, but- ( He feels the tears starting to creep up on the edges of his vision. He's missed him, missed him so much. ) To see you, alive again, is the one thing I have wanted beyond it all.
He feels awful.
Sinbad looks awful, too. The strained way he smiles at him, the way he looks so hesitant- Ja'far hasn't seen that in years, hasn't seen it since they were young and stupid and messed up so much.
Ja'far certainly had messed up again. )
I- I need to talk to you. I-
( He bites his tongue, briefly, so swept up in how upset he is, how stupid he's been.
Can you forgive me? )
I did something I shouldn't have. I hurt you. I hurt you for something you haven't even done. Just because-
( He stares down at his feet, feeling it all pour out of him. )
All because the you I know, the you that you haven't become yet - might not even become now, because of what I've said, what we've done here - did things I couldn't forgive. But- Even if I can't, even if I'm still hurt, bitter about it, that doesn't negate it.
I do forgive you, Sin. I've been waiting, waiting so long for you to come home.
This isn't home, but- ( He feels the tears starting to creep up on the edges of his vision. He's missed him, missed him so much. ) To see you, alive again, is the one thing I have wanted beyond it all.
Do I need to come over and hit you until you see reason?
[ That's... not what he'd been expecting at all, and for a moment, Sinbad can only gape at him, his mind spinning at how 180 that rush of words is from what he'd been bracing for. ]
Wait, you... [ Give him a minute here. ] You what?
Wait, you... [ Give him a minute here. ] You what?
( Ja'far sniffs, rather pointedly, noticing just how much Sinbad is gaping at him. )
I forgive you and I've missed you, you idiot.
( He goes closer, standing near him like he used to, the urge to grab his collar still something there, after all these years. ) I still love you, too, if... if you're still interested in me that way, after what I said.
I forgive you and I've missed you, you idiot.
( He goes closer, standing near him like he used to, the urge to grab his collar still something there, after all these years. ) I still love you, too, if... if you're still interested in me that way, after what I said.
[ Jafar might not grab him like he used to, but Sinbad does it instead, grasping Ja'far's shoulders in a tight grip and practically shaking the smaller man. ]
What do you mean, you forgive me?! [ He sounds almost outraged at this confession. ] After what you said I did, Ja'far. To you, to everyone. Why would you forgive me for something like that?!
What do you mean, you forgive me?! [ He sounds almost outraged at this confession. ] After what you said I did, Ja'far. To you, to everyone. Why would you forgive me for something like that?!
( Ja'far's startled for a second as he's grabbed, but he rights himself quickly enough, staring Sinbad down. )
Because you weren't yourself! Because you got obsessed! Because your last- Your last words were "tell everyone I'm sorry"!
I'm still angry, but I forgive you because I've believed in you since you saved me when we were children! I will never stop believing in you, and I'll never stop waiting for you to come home if we leave here!
Let me use this place to forgive you, in case I don't get that chance otherwise, Sin!
Because you weren't yourself! Because you got obsessed! Because your last- Your last words were "tell everyone I'm sorry"!
I'm still angry, but I forgive you because I've believed in you since you saved me when we were children! I will never stop believing in you, and I'll never stop waiting for you to come home if we leave here!
Let me use this place to forgive you, in case I don't get that chance otherwise, Sin!
[ He makes a quiet growl of frustration at that, releasing Ja'far and partially turning away, running fingers through his dark hair as he paces away a few steps in agitation. ]
Who was I, if not myself? Becoming so consumed with an ideal, so obsessed that the consequences or risks no longer mattered? If I thought the outcome was one of necessity, Ja'far...
[ He cuts himself off with a low curse, leveling Ja'far with a look. ]
There are places you should never follow me, Ja'far, depths that apparently even I am capable of sinking to. If this is what I become... I'm not worthy of your loyalty. I don't deserve to be believed in. This... this just proves I can be as monstrous as all those I sought to displace.
Who was I, if not myself? Becoming so consumed with an ideal, so obsessed that the consequences or risks no longer mattered? If I thought the outcome was one of necessity, Ja'far...
[ He cuts himself off with a low curse, leveling Ja'far with a look. ]
There are places you should never follow me, Ja'far, depths that apparently even I am capable of sinking to. If this is what I become... I'm not worthy of your loyalty. I don't deserve to be believed in. This... this just proves I can be as monstrous as all those I sought to displace.
Page 11 of 17