( Ja'far comes in, dressed still for work, not too long after. He gives Sinbad a hesitant smile, then eyes the hot cocoa warily once he notices what it is. )
[ Sinbad's voice is dry at that as he takes a sip of his cocoa before setting it down and reaches out for his Submissive, tugging him closer so he can wind his arms around him and rest him against his broad chest. ]
That you have feelings for Aspen? It would be fairly hypocritical of me, don't you think? To begrudge you something I have myself? Talk to me, Ja'far. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? And most of all, why are you worried that I would be upset with you over this?
( Ja'far sighs as he's pulled against him, part of him relieved for the contact - part of him realizing he might've been afraid of getting rebuffed if he initiated anything himself. But, Sinbad seems quite the same, and... oh? )
You... as well? ( He blinks, surprised. He hadn't even considered the idea, let alone had thought that Sinbad had developed feelings for Aspen as well. It's almost funny. )
Well, it's... We're not exactly exclusive, and I wouldn't expect that, especially in this place. But, love is... it's a lot more than just sleeping with someone. I wasn't sure if that was... too much. Something I shouldn't breach. ( He fidgets for a moment, and then sighs again, less relieved this time, but some of his unease gone with the revelation. ) I just feel a bit silly, I suppose. I blurted it out to Aspen, half to make him feel grounded, and it was kind of a mess. ( He laughs, still nervous after that. ) I didn't even realize it until that moment.
[ Sinbad gives a soft laugh at this confession and then reaches out to run his fingers through Ja'far's hair, the touch soothing as he smiles and rests his chin atop his lover's head. ]
( That touch was soothing, something real against the apparently foolish worries in his head. Sinbad wasn't refusing him; if anything, the other man seemed happy about it. It was more calming than he knew.
Ja'far snorts. ) Rightfully confused. I certainly shocked him. But he... didn't seem against it. I think... ( He frowns. It seemed almost too personal to fully reveal what Aspen said, how much the other man seemed confused by the idea of love, of someone loving him. ) I don't know what I think. But, regardless, I... I love him. It's different from loving you, but I love him.
Aspen is still figuring out his feelings, I think. This is as new and surprising to him as it is to you, and even to me, I think. But that's not a bad thing, Ja'far. And believe it or not, is it so hard a stretch to learn you can love more than one person?
[ His fingers curl at the nape of his lover's neck as he lets him rest against his chest, still wrapped warmly around him. ]
( Ja'far huffs, leaning into that touch, letting himself be enveloped by Sinbad as he relaxes. )
It's surprising, at least. It's strange enough that I can be open in loving you here, without worrying about your reputation. ( Wait. Fuck, he said that out loud. Maybe he'll just keep his face planted against Sinbad. Much easier. )
[ Sinbad stills for a long moment, taking that information in and the meaning behind it, before slowly pulling back and sliding his fingers beneath Ja'far's chin to tip his head back towards him, studying his expression with a thoughtful look. ]
You're a king, Sin. You need to be open for marriage, be it for a political tie or even love. Having some... affair with your parliamentary official would've just made everything a mess.
( Ja'far stiffens at that strangled noise, falling against Sinbad in confusion, wondering what-
Ah. )
Sin, it's not foolish. It's something I had to realize. If I placed my feelings above what Sindria needed, it'd be pointless. I wasn't about to endanger either of you just because I-
( He pauses, just letting himself be held against Sinbad for a moment. Something he never thought would happen. Not like this. ) Just because I had romantic feelings for you. It's... regardless, that doesn't matter here. Being with you can only help improve our situation, I can be open in... in my affection for you, and- ( Gods, why did he feel choked up about this? This was silly. He's not some foolish child. ) I love you and Sindria more than anything else. I would do whatever I had to to protect both of you.
[ Sinbad's grip remains tight for all of a moment before he turns Ja'far and lifts him, perching him on the edge of the kitchen counter so he's now at eye-level with his king. Leaning close, Sinbad braces both hands to the countertop at either side of his hips, his gaze narrowed on Ja'far's face. ]
It is foolish. You are part of Sindria, Ja'far, and you are important to me. Perhaps one of the most important and closest of my companions - our companions. You know me deeper than all the others, have followed more closely, understand the choices I have made - and why I've had to make them.
I realize you would do just about anything to achieve what Sindria needs - or what I may need. BUt what about your needs, Ja'far?
( Ja'far's quiet for a long beat, staring at Sinbad, and then to the side. )
...My needs are irrelevant, at least in regards to this. I am by your side, that's all I've really wanted. ( He looks back up at Sinbad, focusing on him, staring him down in turn. )
You can't put my needs ahead of everyone else's, Sin. Not Sindria, not our companions, not anyone. Not even you. What we've built, what we continue to build, is what is important. Not whether or not I get to share your bed. ( At least, outside of this place. )
I can be with you here, and in a way that makes me happy. I can strengthen you by being by your side, by sharing myself with you more. It's... this place, I would not trade Sindria for it, not ever, but if that is balm I can have here, then I will take it. I love you, Sin, but I cannot place that above what we have worked our entire lives for.
And this is why you are a fool. [ The words are a bit harsh, perhaps, but they're still said with utter fondness as Sinbad leans in, catches Ja'far's lips with his own in a deep, biting kiss for a long moment. ]
Your needs are never irrelevant, Ja'far. I can understand you not wanting to put them above the others, or Sindria's, but that makes yours no less important to me. I'll not argue the importance of all we've done, but are you so certain their needs couldn't have still been met and yours as well? That perhaps they might even be better for it?
[ He kisses him again, hand sliding to cup at the nape of Ja'far's neck and holding him close. ] I want you, Ja'far. I love you. And I have ever been stronger - and better - for having you at my side - wherever that may be.
( He wants to argue, to push more how much this wouldn't work back home, how it'd just ruin things, but. Those kisses, oh, they steal his breath away. That touch, something he's not necessarily longed for, but has wanted, has now needed, melts him a little, cools the determination. Sinbad always had a way of pushing things, and this was no exception.
He sighs softly, leaning his forehead against Sinbad's. )
You're too idealistic sometimes, Sin. I can't say you're right, neither of us know, we can't know here, but...
( He kisses him, softly, something gentle and very, very fond. ) Gods, I love you, too.
Yes, and that's what makes this entirely frustrating. ( He huffs, but it's more playful, less heavy.
Though, he startles at that last thing, face turning back to red. )Sin- Yes. Aspen now, too. I... He's very wonderful, and I feel very comfortable and safe around him. It's hard not to.
It is hard not to. [ He agrees to this with an unrepentant grin, smoothing his fingers through Ja'far's soft hair. ] And I'm glad for it. I think he will be good for you. And you, for him.
And for us? I assume if you love him, too, this is all quite alright, then.
( He's a little huffy about it, since Sinbad hasn't given him a straight answer, but honestly, he's very happy. Sinbad loves him, still loves him, and he has newfound feelings for Aspen that are shared. It's overwhelming, but still good. Still so very good. )
[ Sinbad chuckles and taps a finger lightly against the tip of Ja'far's nose. ]
I suspected you might be falling for him, honestly. And I'm glad for it. I think it will be good for both of us, yes. We have... we have a lot of history, Ja'far. And I think Aspen has been able to help us both understand our own feelings a little better, not to mention deepened those we have for him. It's only fitting, isn't it, that he's a part of this?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
its a good mistake ;)
[ And he is, dressed comfortably, the apartment warm and cozy.
And a pair of steaming mugs of hot cocoa, just finished, waiting beside him on the counter. ]
Re: its a good mistake ;)
Did you get that from Patara?
no subject
Hmm? No, I haven't had a chance to get there yet. This was in that little jar in the cupboard.
no subject
Good, that kind comes with some added... effects. ( If sharing memories can be called an effect, really.
He fidgets a little, however, staring a bit nervously at Sinbad. ) So, about... what I spoke to you about. It's... are you alright with it?
no subject
[ Sinbad's voice is dry at that as he takes a sip of his cocoa before setting it down and reaches out for his Submissive, tugging him closer so he can wind his arms around him and rest him against his broad chest. ]
That you have feelings for Aspen? It would be fairly hypocritical of me, don't you think? To begrudge you something I have myself? Talk to me, Ja'far. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? And most of all, why are you worried that I would be upset with you over this?
no subject
You... as well? ( He blinks, surprised. He hadn't even considered the idea, let alone had thought that Sinbad had developed feelings for Aspen as well. It's almost funny. )
Well, it's... We're not exactly exclusive, and I wouldn't expect that, especially in this place. But, love is... it's a lot more than just sleeping with someone. I wasn't sure if that was... too much. Something I shouldn't breach. ( He fidgets for a moment, and then sighs again, less relieved this time, but some of his unease gone with the revelation. ) I just feel a bit silly, I suppose. I blurted it out to Aspen, half to make him feel grounded, and it was kind of a mess. ( He laughs, still nervous after that. ) I didn't even realize it until that moment.
no subject
Did you? And what was Aspen's reaction to that?
no subject
Ja'far snorts. ) Rightfully confused. I certainly shocked him. But he... didn't seem against it. I think... ( He frowns. It seemed almost too personal to fully reveal what Aspen said, how much the other man seemed confused by the idea of love, of someone loving him. ) I don't know what I think. But, regardless, I... I love him. It's different from loving you, but I love him.
no subject
[ His fingers curl at the nape of his lover's neck as he lets him rest against his chest, still wrapped warmly around him. ]
no subject
It's surprising, at least. It's strange enough that I can be open in loving you here, without worrying about your reputation. ( Wait. Fuck, he said that out loud. Maybe he'll just keep his face planted against Sinbad. Much easier. )
no subject
My reputation?
no subject
You're a king, Sin. You need to be open for marriage, be it for a political tie or even love. Having some... affair with your parliamentary official would've just made everything a mess.
no subject
Ja'far. How long have you been thinking this?
no subject
I'm... not sure. At least since we've had Sindria.
no subject
You little fool.
no subject
Ah. )
Sin, it's not foolish. It's something I had to realize. If I placed my feelings above what Sindria needed, it'd be pointless. I wasn't about to endanger either of you just because I-
( He pauses, just letting himself be held against Sinbad for a moment. Something he never thought would happen. Not like this. ) Just because I had romantic feelings for you. It's... regardless, that doesn't matter here. Being with you can only help improve our situation, I can be open in... in my affection for you, and- ( Gods, why did he feel choked up about this? This was silly. He's not some foolish child. ) I love you and Sindria more than anything else. I would do whatever I had to to protect both of you.
no subject
It is foolish. You are part of Sindria, Ja'far, and you are important to me. Perhaps one of the most important and closest of my companions - our companions. You know me deeper than all the others, have followed more closely, understand the choices I have made - and why I've had to make them.
I realize you would do just about anything to achieve what Sindria needs - or what I may need. BUt what about your needs, Ja'far?
no subject
...My needs are irrelevant, at least in regards to this. I am by your side, that's all I've really wanted. ( He looks back up at Sinbad, focusing on him, staring him down in turn. )
You can't put my needs ahead of everyone else's, Sin. Not Sindria, not our companions, not anyone. Not even you. What we've built, what we continue to build, is what is important. Not whether or not I get to share your bed. ( At least, outside of this place. )
I can be with you here, and in a way that makes me happy. I can strengthen you by being by your side, by sharing myself with you more. It's... this place, I would not trade Sindria for it, not ever, but if that is balm I can have here, then I will take it. I love you, Sin, but I cannot place that above what we have worked our entire lives for.
no subject
Your needs are never irrelevant, Ja'far. I can understand you not wanting to put them above the others, or Sindria's, but that makes yours no less important to me. I'll not argue the importance of all we've done, but are you so certain their needs couldn't have still been met and yours as well? That perhaps they might even be better for it?
[ He kisses him again, hand sliding to cup at the nape of Ja'far's neck and holding him close. ] I want you, Ja'far. I love you. And I have ever been stronger - and better - for having you at my side - wherever that may be.
no subject
He sighs softly, leaning his forehead against Sinbad's. )
You're too idealistic sometimes, Sin. I can't say you're right, neither of us know, we can't know here, but...
( He kisses him, softly, something gentle and very, very fond. ) Gods, I love you, too.
no subject
[ Sinbad, idealistically, points out with a crooked smile as he stays propped against him, meeting his gaze. ]
And also Aspen now, hmm?
no subject
Though, he startles at that last thing, face turning back to red. ) Sin- Yes. Aspen now, too. I... He's very wonderful, and I feel very comfortable and safe around him. It's hard not to.
no subject
no subject
( He's a little huffy about it, since Sinbad hasn't given him a straight answer, but honestly, he's very happy. Sinbad loves him, still loves him, and he has newfound feelings for Aspen that are shared. It's overwhelming, but still good. Still so very good. )
no subject
I suspected you might be falling for him, honestly. And I'm glad for it. I think it will be good for both of us, yes. We have... we have a lot of history, Ja'far. And I think Aspen has been able to help us both understand our own feelings a little better, not to mention deepened those we have for him. It's only fitting, isn't it, that he's a part of this?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)